Winter Leave, monoprint

There's something about working in a medium that you are unfamiliar with that can really get the juices flowing. I might not be highly paid or recognized but that never really mattered to me. The art mattered. I created it for me, to express....whatever. My best work seems to be the stuff of discovery and learning. 

My creative process can sometimes be fickle. Times when it seems no matter what I do it looks like crap. Occasionally when I'm doing something just to loosen up something like this happens. When I set it aside just after printing I was disappointed, later after it had dried I saw what it had become. 

End of Summer

Took this picture about a week ago. I love these late summer flowers. Their bright yellow and black centers always remind me of hot summer days and good memories.

I've decided to create little cards for each of my 'colors.' Those that know me know what I mean. In essence they will look similar to tarot cards when I'm done and I want to keep them about playing card size. Simple design/symbolism so they are easily understood. The hard part... where to start!?

So I think I'll start with yellow because of these bright and sunshine flowers have inspired me. Pictures to come.

The Dance

Amazing how many steps and moves you have to go through socially. The conscious and unconscious things we do when among other people. How our perception of their perceptions of us have an effect on what we say or do. 

I am so very aware of this particular dance. There are times and places where the sheer stress of it makes me want to crawl into a dark place and just hide. Even now that I am older and wiser it occasionally sneaks up on me and I find myself avoiding contact.

I have never made friends easily. My caution comes from a very  young age. Where I felt a friend betrayed me. I found I could rarely give that trust to anyone else. Perhaps it stems from the fact that I was teased so badly in school that I can hardly remember a day that I did not cry or feel bad about myself. I felt powerless against their words, which contrary to the little sing-song saying "words will never hurt me," they did. I had a serious problem as a child, one that I had no control over. One that to this day I feel ashamed of. 

Those few friends I do have, well perhaps I lean on them a bit too much. I don't know, we never seem as close as I would like to be. So... I continue to ... dance.

Journeys

As I have mentioned before I'm learning to be a shaman. It is more like an apprenticeship than anything else. It also means that my learning experiences is more like a journey than a straight forward education. 

The process that brought me to this point was at times round about and cyclic, but always worth the effort. Now I do not claim to follow precisely a Native American tradition, though I borrow heavily from that wisdom. I have no wish to insult or dishonor any tribe by any ignorance on my part. My ancestry is varied and  I look toward the traditions that they may have used. I also make the effort to actively research and study not only the native traditions, but those of my lineage as well. 

quest

 noun \ˈkwest\

1. an act or instance of seeking: a : pursuit, search b : a chivalrous enterprise in medieval romance usually involving an adventurous journey

I have participated in several quests over the years. These were important journeys for me. Without them, their hardships and discoveries, I would not have reached several goals in my life. I can say that learning to be a shaman has saved my life and my spirit. It is also on these quests I have been deeply inspired by nature around me. 

As an artist, I have struggled with inspiration at times. My particular journey into shamanism is deeply entwined with my art. It is the way I express. I learned early in my journey that art would have a lot to do with my process of becoming a shaman and in how I would serve as a shaman. When I am creating a piece of art, especially art that will have a sacred purpose my focus and intent is deeply important. What will it be for? How will it be used? What energies should it hold? All of these questions are very important. 

Each piece I complete holds a little bit of my energy and spirit, sacred object or not. Sometimes I create an object knowing that it will be going to somebody else. I always feel very strongly about this and give it away freely. I never know if it is appreciated, but I do know that it needs to be in that person's possession. 

King Stag

So in my journey....My Journey to be a shaman, a sacred artist I found myself and my purpose. I found symbols and meanings, the creation and use of those images and symbols to be a powerful force. My journey is not over. I am still walking my path and looking forward to my next quest.

Chrysalis

Lotus Bud

It is hard for me to write sometimes simply because I'm so self critical and was taught at a young age one shouldn't 'brag' about oneself, also one too many times I've bared my soul in words only to have them used against me. I work hard to overcome this at times because it becomes nearly impossible to compliment myself on my successes or accomplishments.  As a result of learning this behavior it is also hard for me to truly accept compliments or praise without inwardly thinking I'm not worthy of it.

So here it is...

Here I will claim my success and my failure, because both are a part of me. Here I will claim my Light and my Dark and thus become the Whole. It is a promise to myself and one I give out to the Universe. Even now I have doubts about my ability to fulfill this promise. I can only do my best and understand that the Mother and Father will understand I am trying my best.

Krysil Is

Chrysalis...

chrys·a·lis /ˈkrɪsələs/ noun

plural chry·sal·i·ses also chrys·a·lid·es /krɪˈsæləˌdi:z/

[count] biology 1 : a moth or butterfly at the stage of growth when it is turning into an adult and is enclosed in a hard case

2 : a hard case that protects a moth or butterfly while it is turning into an adult — compare¹cocoon 1

A stage of growth, a hard case that protects. How apt that description is. Inside I am tender and oh so fragile, outside is plain enough to hide among the leaves. I've been in a state of growth for a very long time. I've been in the chrysalis just waiting for the moment to emerge.

The Shaman

For several years now I've taken up training towards being a shaman. It wasn't until I really started to face my inner darkness, challenge their reason for being, reclaiming the power I had given them that I began to understand that my chrysalis was as much a prison as it was a place of safety. It is only recently that I began to want to go beyond that safety and fly. My chrysalis changed as my connection with my totem grew stronger and more sure. From chrysalis to egg... changed now but still a hard shell that protects. I've grown in this shell, sheltered and protected it is very similar to the chrysalis but as the time nears for me to break forth instead of fear I'm experiencing excitement along with fear. 

The Hawk teaches about vision and clarity of vision. It is the messenger of the Divine. A creature of air, thought, mind and spirit, but also very much about action. My personal journey into the totem of the Hawk has been enlightening, joyous, exciting and yes, at times frightening. Through Hawk I learned and still learn about my Soul Promise, that of the Sacred Artist. 

What is the sacred artist? I had to ask myself this, try to understand what it was. After all there are very few sacred artists out there. We are rare creatures.

Sacred art --is artistic imagery using religious inspiration and motifs and is often intended to uplift the mind to the spiritual.Sacred art involves the ritual and cultic practices and practical and operative aspects of the path of the spiritual realization within the artist's religious tradition.

Hawk Mask

This brought up images of icons and Christian art at first but hat to think for a moment. A defining part of our humanity is our appreciation for art, our love of beauty and pattern. Sacred art is far older than just the Christian tradition. The sacred artist painted the caves of antiquity, carved animal bone, shaped clay into representations of animals and women. Shamans paint symbols, wear carefully created clothing, use personally crafted tools to do their work. The shaman used art to enhance the power of a ritual or an item, to imbue it with the sacred power of what the symbol was meant to represent. 

It is my journey into shamanism that has helped me find this path. More than that, this path feels right and good under my feet. I didn't say it was easy, but it is the right path for me. I discover more and more as I grow and shift in my egg, eager to burst from the shell.